Saturday, October 1, 2011

I will not do it anymore!

I will not feel bad about saying something positive about my husband, myself, my kids or my family in general again.

Why can't people be positive? Why can't we say something GOOD without someone trying to bring us down and accuse us of implying something about them? When it had nothing to do with them!? I think it often comes down to insecurities. I mean that in the most non-snarky way possible. That's my only guess. Otherwise, why would people respond negatively to something positive you say about your family? It doesn't make much sense to me.

I will not apologize or feel bad anymore. If I am saying something good about my family, I have no reason to apologize and I wont let people make me feel as if I have to. When I speak of myself or my children in a positive light, it does NOT mean I am implying anything negative toward you. Ok? I refuse to focus on the negatives just so I don't say something that can be turned into something it isn't. It's just down right silly.

What the heck am I talking about you ask? I am speaking of several things or occasions, but "the straw that broke the camel's back" was within a post a friend of mine made today. She asked about child "leashes" (her wording) and if people had used them, why or why not etc. I answered honestly. I don't use them, so I said so and I said why. We're attentive and the kids all listen and stay with us, so we've never found a need for them. That is why we don't.... I said something positive about my husband, myself and my kids... but that is because it was my answer as to why we don't use them and it was the truth. What I said was what I meant. Nothing more.

I was accused of implying that people who use them don't pay attention to their kids and their kids are bad. I absolutely did not imply that. I didn't even THINK that. I never once said anything negative about using them at all actually. Just answered why *we* do not use them. I said something that (and I quote) " hits my nerves in ways that enrage me" . This person (and others) made several comments that made me feel like shit and had me this >< close to apologizing and messaging my friend to apologize for saying something that she might have thought I said to imply she was a lousy mom for thinking of using one or that her child is badly behaved. But I stepped back and looked at it again. This is exactly what I said...
I wont use them and have not personally found a need. We go to busy places and my kids know they have to stay with us, hold our hands etc. I've never lost a kid. We're very attentive and they listen well, so we just have never had a need to leash them lol.

This one response, answering the questions (If I used them and why or why not) "enraged" someone. I truthfully feel what I said did not warrant that kind of reaction. I said something positive about my family in a response to a question. After reading what I said and her responses that I feel were a little dramatic/harsh considering what i did say, again, I decided I shouldn't have to apologize. I didn't say anything negative toward anyone. I didn't even say anything negative about the child harnesses themselves. Saying something positive about my family does not automatically imply something negative about yours. As I stated above, I think it comes down to insecurities. I think in general, for you to take something positive someone says and assume there was a negative implication, you must have some degree of insecurity in that choice you've made (obviously this doesn't fit all circumstances). I am not saying this is any rude way either. We ALL have decisions we've made and other things we are insecure about. I could understand people being angry if I said something negative about the harnesses or people who use them, but I didn't. I've run into situations like this many times before and I always feel bad, send messages to apologize etc. Now, if I do actually say something to be mean, then hey, I SHOULD apologize. However, that was not the case here. BUUT, it all boils down to we have the right to say what we feel, state our opinions etc, so she has the right to say whatever she wants, but that also goes both ways.

Are my kids perfect? Of course not. Am I perfect? Definitely not. Do I pretend either to be the case. Absolutely not. Do I focus on the negatives or the "bad"? NO and I shouldn't. I mention things my kids do wrong now and then or things I screw up, but I'm not going to focus on them, I'm going to focus on the good things, as I should.

I've been trying to bring more positive into my life and I will not apologize anymore for saying good things about my family.

If my friend is reading this... I sincerely hope you didn't take what I said as a negative implication toward you or your child. I think you and your husband are amazing parents and I don't doubt for a second you wouldn't make the right decision for YOUR family in this and all situations. I was answering your questions, nothing more.