Friday, October 5, 2012

Mothers Guilt and realizing it will be ok

Some nights, I lay there thinking about my day. Sometimes I'll feel guilty over how I handled a situation with the kids or that I didn't spend as much time with one of them as I think I should have that day. I imagine I'm not the only mother who does this from time to time.

As confident as I am about the choices my husband and I have made for our family, I still get twinges of worry now and then. I worry about the "what ifs", "should haves" and "maybes". When it is all said and done, what I want is children who grew into wonderful, happy, caring, successful adults. I don't define success by the balance of your bank account or social status. I just want them to be successful in whatever path they choose. Whether it's one of them choosing the path that I have, raising children or one of them becoming a famous musician. I just want to set the foundation for them to flourish.

I generally ignore the criticism. I know the choices we have made are right for us and I take comfort in that. But now and then, I am stopped with a mild sense of doubt.

In those moments of doubt, I look down at my 15 month old snuggled up against me asleep just like he did as a newborn or I think about my daughter kissing her baby dolls and laying them down for a nap. I look over to see my older boys reading a book to the younger children, all on their own or I watch my kids all interact kindly and fairly with the other children at the park. Those moments are when I realize it will be ok. I'm doing ok.

I'll make mistakes and have to make changes. I wont always do everything right and I accept that. But I'll also do some things great and will always put my family first. I'm doing the best I can and I am happy with that.

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