Tuesday, January 22, 2019

That Light in the Darkness

Sometimes things happen just when you need them, but didn't even know you needed them. Sometimes when you want things to happen and they don't, maybe there's a reason. Maybe there's a bigger plan that the universe has for you? I don't know.

After our youngest son was born, my husband went to a pre-comissioning unit Submarine, which meant he would be working horrible hours, but he wouldn't be deploying (gone for a solid 7+ months at a time) for a little while. We decided we wanted to try to have another baby, before the boat was finished and deploying. I've talked about that before. I've talked about the secondary infertility. I've talked about that heartache that many people think is silly when you already have 6 children. I've also talked about how we had started coming to terms with the fact that we were likely done having children because it wasn't financially possible to get fertility treatment and it wasn't really practical to do so anyway given my husband's serious medical issues and me now being his full-time caregiver. 

In August we were shocked and (happily) surprised to find out that I'm pregnant. Over the last several months I have realized that having a baby now was better than when my husband and I had first started trying. Things were miserable during that time, the command he was at was absolutely horrible and the last couple of years we've been adjusting to our new normal with TBI, PTSD and Seizures. Things are not easy now by any means. In fact, Things can be really hard, emotionally, physically and financially. What I have now though, is a deeper sense of peace and of who I am than I have ever had in my life. I'm more confident in what I'm capable of and I know my strength. I've learned to appreciate and cherish the good moments because they are often fleeting. I've learned to find the positive, even on the worst day. 

This baby is such a bright light in our new life. We are in such a different place and it's almost weird that we're literally starting over. Our THIRD baby turns 13 on Feb 6th, so we'll have 3 teenagers. Our oldest son will be 17 this summer. Our youngest will turn 8 not long after this new baby comes into our life. So weird!!! But this surprise baby came to be just when we needed her to. Oh, did I mention, she's a GIRL? A baby girl! This will be very different than when we had our other children. There are a lot of things we have to think about in regards to my husband's medical issues and keeping the baby safe. We have to have emergency plans in place and there will be a whole slew of things that will undoubtedly arise as we navigate this new chapter. But I know I've got this. I know we can do this. I know that despite the struggles we will face, we can handle it. I am so excited for this new journey!

She’s due the first week of April 💖

Keep an eye out for my blog post soon about my birth plan!